Why my Fiancé and I Don’t Split Household Chores Evenly
It’s true. My fiancé and I do not split household chores evenly.
It took us a really long time and a lot of fights to figure out the best way for us to keep our house clean and running.
While I did grow up with a family who split the chores evenly between the five of us – I still had this idealization to be the perfect wife who cleans everything and has a hot meal ready. Que many years of trying and failing.
The truth is, I hate cleaning and I hate cooking. I also have decently severe chronic depression so I tend to get overwhelmed quickly and then I shut down. Then I get mad at myself for not being able to do simple tasks.
It turns out, I never should have put that kind of pressure on myself because Nicholas doesn’t put that kind of pressure on me.
He knows who I am and it is not the 1950’s housewife I idolize. He also happens to not mind cleaning and is a really good cook. He takes on the physical household chores such as doing the dishes, vacuuming, and cleaning the toilets.
What do I do since we both work full time? I take on the mental load. I manage all the household finances including paying bills, budgeting, saving for retirement, and paying off debt. I also manage the calendar. I know what we have going on, when we need to be somewhere, and whose birthday it is. I also handle sending out cards and buying gifts – including all the Christmas shopping. I know when our puppy needs to go to the vet.
I also do the grocery shopping and the household supply shopping since I extreme coupon and I need to have total control over the list. We brainstorm some menu options for what he wants to cook and I make sure he has the ingredients.
Because I have complete control over the finances – does my husband ever feel restricted? No! He gets everything he wants.
He’s not really a big impulse buyer so most of the Amazon orders are mine. He usually wants bigger purchases. Our latest purchase for him was a sound system for the TV. I could personally care less about the clarity of the sound but he wanted it. I wasn’t able to get it in the same paycheck as soon as he decided on which sound system he wanted but with a little budgeting magic I was able to get it in the next paycheck.
While all of this is a very non-traditional way of managing a household – it works for us. There are definitely days I feel like a failure. I still wish I could have everything scrubbed and dusted with dinner in the oven and our finances done while working full time. But, the truth is, I can’t.
Once I stopped putting myself under that pressure and accepted help – the fighting stopped and I felt a lot better.
