Easy Ways to Talk about Finances with your Partner
Finances are one of the hardest things to have a conversation about. It’s a conversation that usually leads to fighting. A quick Google search will tell you finances are one of the top reasons for divorce. If you aren’t talking about finances with your partner – that can be worse.
So how do you talk about this difficult subject?
Learn your Partner’s Communication Style
Everyone has a preferred communication style and will respond better when you use it. For example, my partner does not like things to be sprung on him. My preferred approach is to blab things out when I’m thinking of it. When I just blab things out about finances and he is not expecting it – he shuts down and I get upset. But, because I know that my partner needs time to prepare for this conversation I let him know in the morning that I would like to have a conversation about finances after dinner. This gives him time to prepare his mind and emotions. Then, when we go to sit down and talk, there’s no fighting. Meet your partner where they are and you’ll be surprised at how open the communication can be.
Check your Emotions
If you’re coming into this conversation already angry – it’s not going to go well. Your partner is exactly that – a “partner”. Not a child getting yelled at. If you or your partner are already getting defensive then it is not the time to have this conversation. Put a pin in it and come back to the conversation when you have cooled down.
Extend Grace
Everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect. This conversation is not the time to blame and point fingers. You will never get anywhere if you’re too busy blaming someone else. Accept that both you and they made mistakes (and will keep making mistakes!).
Be Present
Have the conversation together. No phones, no tv, no kids. Don’t have this conversation if one of you has had too much wine (guilty!). A lot of times my partner and I like to go out to eat and talk about our finances. You want to be completely present for your partner.
Unsure where to start? Read A Conversation Guide to Finances with Your Partner.
Unfortunately this isn’t a one and done conversation. You’ll need to talk about finances frequently to make sure you both are on track and on the same page. My partner and I like to have this conversation when we get paid and I can present the budget I’ve been working on.
The great thing about these conversations are that they get easier. Nicholas commented the last time we talked that the finances are getting easier to talk about because the conversations have been a lot more positive. It’s true. As we have been working towards financial freedom we talk more about our future – not about how much money we don’t have anymore.
